Examples are Texas Calculatem, Poker Academy, and if you search Google for "poker odds calculator" you will find a slew of other ones. I think memorizing hand vs. hand probabilities is important, at least the approximate odds.

As far as playing "by the book" I think that's a great way to play when you start out. Poker is like driving or basketball or surgery, you have to learn to walk before you can run. If you start by playing a fundamentally sound game based on hand strength, position, pot odds, and probability you are bound to make money as you learn the game, especially if you start (as you should) at lower limits where the fish abound.

Once you have your fundamental game established, then you can start concentrating on making reads, recognizing betting patterns, trapping loose players, playing unconventional hands in position, etc. This will boost your ROI, but if your fancy plays go wrong and your experimental styles backfire, you always have your fundamental game to fall back on. Guys like Gus Hansen can make money long term raising with the four six of diamonds because when they don't hit, they can manipulate the situation to come out on top. Guys like you and me will hemorrhage cash doing that.

Poker has a science and an art. The science can be learned in a few months, but the art takes forever. The good news is that you can still make money by having the science down while you work on learning the art.